I love my pillow

Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night and there are still no one sleeping with me. My girlfriend said she want me to be there for her when she sleep, like every night. But of course I cannot do that.Well then I remember something about waking up in the middle of the night.

I have been sleeping alone since I move in to be taken care by my aunt, who is my Dad's eldest sister. It is not a big room, and my clothes are not actually that much. The cupboard for my clothes is actually too large, so I keep my books in there too. A single bed, my empty travel bag below the bed and nothing more. And of course a standing fan. The room is facing the veranda, as many Melanau's traditional house has a veranda and my room have 3 windows facing it.

I remember this one night I woke up, it was around 2 a.m. I was hugging my favourite small pillow, it is smelly with my body odour, but I love it because my Mum made it for me. It was total silence that night. The occasional sound of frogs and crickets break the silence, like a melody. I'm not sure what made me woke up.

I was probably dreaming, but I could not remember my dream. Then I thought about the last time I slept with my Mum. It was school holiday, some months ago. There will be a time when I no longer can sleep with her like that. And each time I went back to Mukah, I am growing older.

I opened the front door, went outside to the veranda, sitting on the wooden floor, looking at the big moon. Bright, because there is no light pollution in Mukah. I was thinking about counting my days until the school holiday, when I will go back to Brunei, to meet with my parents. But then I decide not to. Better for me to have less thing to think about. I let go a heavy sigh and walk back to my room.

I miss my Mum. Or perhaps hugging her. Or someone to hug me. But I am hugging my favourite smelly pillow. Well, better than nothing. I was 8 years old.